You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Randomize
