There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
