one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
