Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
