Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
