never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm having to shit out rocks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
