I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
