My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
