just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
