im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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