apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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