I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
