remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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