i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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