Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
