Can i not drive my cunt home
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
