i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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