Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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