I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
