Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
