hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
