I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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