I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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