youre lurking in front of me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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