Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
