Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
