You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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