You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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