I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
