It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I die, sorry about rent.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
