why didn't you poke me back
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
