I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
