Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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