I just cut my nipple shaving
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
