he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
