seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
