I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Barsexuality is the new black.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
