1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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