Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
