and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
