this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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