HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
