Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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