Can Purell be used as lube?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
