idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
