i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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