Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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