We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Damn victory sex feels great
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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