You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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