it hurts more in the daytime
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
