He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I believe in your delicious
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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