It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
