Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
