Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
