If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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