My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
